


Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Season 3 Episode 1 PILOT

by DodieYellowThough



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Multi, Other, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 12:37:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14136183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DodieYellowThough/pseuds/DodieYellowThough
Summary: This is an unfinished fragment of a fake pilot episode for a fake Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Season 3.PLEASE ENJOY MY DUDES!!





	Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Season 3 Episode 1 PILOT

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Please enjoy this not finished work of mine. As I said this is a fragment of a pilot episode I am writing for a fake Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Season 3. It is not finished and I will continue it soon. 
> 
> PLEASE, this is my work and I have worked really hard on it. I don't want others to use my work. Obviously take this as inspiration for your own work!!
> 
> THANK YOU ENJOYXx

DIRK GENTLY

Written by

Zoe Hodgson

Based On  
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency  
BY  
Douglas Adams

 

Season 3 Episode 1  
“Pilot”

 

 

 

TITLE.  
SLAM TO BLACK.

EXT. BLACKWING – NIGHT  
INT. BLACKWING HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

We move through the hallway and start to hear a faint KNOCKING noise. One KNOCK. Then another. And another. We continue to move through the hallway and turn a corner to meet another hallway. We can see a door with the PROJECT MARZANNA symbol on it.  
Two guards, new at their jobs, are standing still, one on each side of Bart’s door. 

INT. BART’S CELL – CONTINUOUS  
We can see Bart resting against the door. Every few second she KNOCKS once, then sometimes puts her right ear against the door to see if someone is coming. 

BART  
Ken?

Bart knocks again.

BART (CON’T)  
Ken?

INT. HALLWAY – BART’S DOOR – CONTINUOUS  
The first Guard turns to face Bart’s door and SLAMS his foot on the door to try and quiet Bart down.

GUARD 1  
THAT’S ENOUGH! QUIET!

INT. BART’S CELL – MOMENTS LATER  
Bart jumps in surprise and now stands a few feet away from the door. 

BART  
Hey! Why you being so mean to me. I did nothing.

Silence.

BART (CONT’D)  
I was actually being nice for once. I wasn’t killing anybody. I did kill SOME people at the beginning, though. But after that I stopped. Even when I thought that I should kill them, I didn’t!

INT. HALLWAY – BART’S DOOR – CONTINUOUS

GUARD 1  
URGH CAN YOU JUST LIKE, STOP TALKING FOR A FEW SECONDS? Seriously.

INT. BART’S CELL – MOMENT’S LATER  
Silence.  
Bart looks down at her feet.  
A few seconds passes.

BART  
Hey you? Out there? I’ve been quiet for a few seconds now.

INT. HALLWAY – BART’S DOOR – CONTINUOUS  
As Bart speaks, both guards shake their heads. One of them then scratches his head while the other SLAMS the door three times with his foot again.

INT. BART’S CELL – CONTINUOUS  
Bart gets surprised by the SLAMMING on the door but doesn’t move. She stays silent.  
Bart walks up quietly to the door, rests her head against it and looks down at the handle. She looks at it for a few seconds before putting a hand on it. She then tries the handle a few consecutive times.

BART (CONT’D)  
Oh.

She smiles.

INT. HALLWAY – BART’S DOOR – MOMENTS LATER  
We see the two guards standing still. Nothing happens for a few seconds; the frame is still.  
Bart opens the door and looks extremely calm. She starts walking away. Both guards look at her, then at each other, then back at her.

GUARD 1  
Hey! Come back here!

Bart lets out a slight laugh as she continues to walk away. The second guard rushes towards her and grabs one of her arms and tries to drag her back to her cell.  
Bart kicks his leg with her foot, takes the guards’ riffle that he’s holding with one hand and slams him in the head with it multiple times until he falls down unconscious, then shoots him a few times in the head.  
Some blood lands onto Bart’s face and clothing.  
Bart immediately raises the gun and aims it at the first guard, who is now looking frightened.  
The guard immediately drops his riffle in fear.  
The guard says nothing and shakes his head. He begins to look more and more nervous.  
She does a few gestures with the gun, still pointing it at the first guard.

BART  
You wanna join him?

The first guard shakes his head, this time more vigorously and puts his hands in front of him.

GUARD 1  
No. No no no. no.

BART  
You sure?

The first guard hits his back on one of the walls leading into Bart’s cell, swallows and nods his head.

GUARD 1 (QUIETLY TO HIMSELF)  
Please don’t shoot me pleaaase please pleaaase I beg of you DON’T shoot me  
(Exhales)  
they said this job was gonna be easy pfff haha  
Bart moves closer to him

GUARD 1 (CONT’D)  
AHOH my god oh my god don’t-

BART  
Can you speak louder I can’t hear you you speak to quietly.

As the guard begins to speak, we see him moving his hands towards his holster and resting them onto his hand gun. 

GUARD 1 (LOUDER)  
Don’t shoot me, please! I’ve done nothing wrong! I was- I was just PROTECTING you from these bad BAD people out there so- so technically, I’m the good guy here-

He immediately pulls out his gun and shoots Bart. The bullet dodges her, as always. 

Bart smiles.  
The guard, surprised, shoots her gain.  
The bullet dodges her. Bart continues to smile. She shoots him, as many times as she can, then stops to see the body slowly sliding down, now covered in blood.  
She smiles.

BART  
Oopps.

She lets out a small laugh.


End file.
